"Dearly beloved legal guardians
and/or genetically linked stewards of those individuals called to serve as
missionaries in this, the Germany Berlin Mission, in the 2014th year of the
Lord, on the 24th day, and perhaps at the 12th hour—We do
hereby request that ye cease from all manner of practices regarding postage and
all that is colloquially known as “Goodies”.
More specifically, we do hereby
state that sending packages above the dollar value of 50 Dollars is unwise, as
you will then be charged an excise fee.
Instead, please utilize the
functions found at Amazon.co.uk, which will allow you to order things for your
missionaries that will be much more price-friendly.
Let us also formally request
your compliance in not sending medications, medical devices, supplements, or
other such materials, which will be confiscated upon sight, and you will then
be charged a 30 Euro disposal fee.
We are quite endowed with a
substantial amount of goods that would more than satisfy any inhabitant of a
“First World” Country, and except for certain extenuating circumstances, we are
able to provide all necessary services without trouble.
Many Blessings for your
further questing for delightful matters!"
